Every member of a local improvisational troupe is balding, Prince Charles feels his sons are finally mature enough to handle the truth about what happened to their mother, and a woman can't believe her boyfriend had the nerve to dump her on the couple's 15-week anniversary. It's the week of September 3, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion